I fell for crime.

I fell for beauty.

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My 2011 ended with a fight. Me realizing things have to change. Some back to the way before I moved here, some things just need to get better. The fight was over something stupid. I was angry because John showed up REALLY late to pick me up from work. Too late to actually go anywhere and so late that we didn't kiss at midnight. When we got home, I was grouchy and tired and stressed and he was being a curmudgeon-y bastard--I said something mean and dumb, and he he slammed the door and left. He came home two hours later, thankfully we talked it out and it all was fixed. But, it did leave me feeling bleck.

I keep saying I need to learn to drive, but my mind stopped me from thinking about it, because the car I was going to buy --my mom has decided not to sell it (OF COURSE. This is the way my mom works. Promise one thing, or another--therefore, it'll never fucking happen. She likes to withhold. Just like Lucille Bluth. Except not precious.). But, then I realized I can probably get a personal loan/car loan for not too much. That, plus what I make --I might be able to get a shitty little car to use to go to work and back. Not depending on anyone, this would be good. I wish we had buses here that were dependable. I would do that all the damn time, otherwise.

My life has been rumply and messy and disorganized the last two years, and I would like to fix that.

First of order of business:
+ Find a new house for the three of us to live. We need more space and this isn't doing it for us.
+ Learn to drive, get a car. see my friends more.
+ Save up, visit the west -best-coast. see those friends.
+ exercise more, eat better. feel less like shit, but that has nothing to do with weight really as much as who i am around (ie: my mom) and what they tell me about myself.
+ Be more comfortable just being alone.
+Step into the world more.


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