I fell for crime.

I fell for beauty.

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Here we are. We have a new place to live, a cat and a shitty job.

Problems? Well, my friends basically have disappeared. One has stopped coming around, my others are friends that are tired of hearing the same old same old. And some, well, I just don't want to burden them with it all.

I'm pretty sure that John doesn't like me. Seriously. How do I explain it? Um, well, He'll kiss me and tell me I'm pretty, but that's it. He doesn't genuinely spend any real time with me, or listen to me, or if he does, he rolls his eyes while I speak. I could be seeing something that's not there, but I don't know. He'll go from asking me to marry him to pretending it was a joke to it being the last thing on his mind. He doesn't think I'm crazy, but he doesn't seem to think I'm somebody worth loving either.

I just feel alone a lot of the time. A lot. More than someone should. My friends have vanished, I'm working 99% of the time, always at night and if I ask him to talk to me, he acts like I'm blowing everything out of proportion. My roommate said something today, to the effect of "You as a couple are supposed to be working towards a shared goal" What are we working towards? Blank. non existent. we have a cat. That might be it.

I just feel like the loneliest thing. Not even a person. Because people have lives and friends and loved ones.


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